Dealing with our Buts—a teenage love lesson

Something just happened right now!!!! 

Okay, maybe not right now, but recent enough to still be valid a story. It's a story of our BUTs.

(Influence will not kill me sha) 

Some years ago—you know, that Jambite year—I attended a lesson centre where I met master X.
Master X is a smart guy that pushes himself  beyond limits and had managed to earn himself the name 'mastermind'.
He read big philosophy books as a teenager and had all the TDH qualities a girl would drool at.

 Before now, Mr master mind knew no woman, and I mean it in every literal way. lol

 He saw women as a distraction, something I found a little alarming for a teenager and also considering  the theories propounded by his fellow psychologists, which I thought he was conversant with. 😂
Anyway,  his real problem was that he felt he was older than everyone both chronologically and mentally, and hadn't met a girl with his intellectual approval. He was SAPIOSEXUAL.

Well, until I came.
....

#Disclaimer! 

With all humility,  I do not wish to say I was more intelligent than the lovely girls I met there, I'm only saying that,  I'm  SMART joor!!  Is it ya boast? 

Bye bye,  let's continue. 😋

.....

You haven't known my taciturn nature if you never met me. Then, I talked very little, I only observed, which was mostly because those kids were kids from very rich homes; they talked of things I couldn't relate very well to, so I chose to be quiet instead and bank on the intellectual.

I cannot come and loss pata pata nah, 🙄. (I WISH I could do this these days sha; put a little silence to the noise all around me)

In my reticence, Mr Mastermind sparked my interest. So,  I took a little while to study him.
He was a little proud... okay, VERY proud and arrogant but it was nothing I couldn't deal with, especially  since he was "the model boyfriend"

I found me some philosophical books to read too... if I had a chance with Sigmund Freud here, I had to know my game, and sister I played it well. Something some people like to call "Making a STATEMENT" without betraying my intent though.

Strategy worked. Mastermind started making advances and of course in a cocky way,  playing the coquet and stuff,  at a time I got tired of games and gave up the chase. When he finally became sober I had lost interest and moved on. #myteeanagediary, somewhere in the middle page. 🤐

Fast forward to Years later.

Mastermind came knocking again,  this time he was even more cocky. We talked about our adventures and laughed about it, he asked lots of questions to be sure I was still intellectually attractive, we had poetic drills and when he found satisfaction, he said, "You,  know you'd have made a good bride,  BUT... "

And yas!  That's why I'm telling this anecdote  anyway, the BUT that came afterwards.

......

Have you ever had an option that you could have chosen BUT?

Your BUTS are those things that turn you off about people, things or events despite their other beautiful qualities.

Something like:

"He is a good man BUT not tall enough"
"She's a fine geh BUT her attitude sucks"
 "I love him BUT his religion is not same as mine"
"I like that job BUT Lagos is too busy for me"
"I could have married her BUT she's not my tribe."
Just some few examples to bring us to the same page.



😊

So, why is it important?

These BUTS are the real defining factors of what we choose in life, they keep  from certain options in life.  And you know,  we are the product of our choices. When we make mistakes in choices,  we make mistakes in life.

So how do we manage them, especially when we really want that choice. How do we choose what will be in our best interest despite the BUTs around it?
...
First we must understand that there's really no choice without a BUT, even a teeny one, there's always going to be a but, even if we don't see one, our loved ones will, right?
Yet,  we'll  still need to make a choice.

The thing about good  choices is that, it takes cognizance of our priorities,  when we get our priorities straight,  we get our choices right.

 We can't start talking about "one man's meat being his neighbor's gala now, we have already taken so much space here,  so I'll just end by saying,  when you are  faced with so many BUTs and you can't seem to know what  option to choose, ask these questions:

1. What's my purpose?
2. How does this choice affect it?
3. Does it last?
4. What's really important here?
5. Can this BUT be changed?
6.Can I deal with it?

For Mastermind,  his BUT was that  I wasn't tall enough, something someone else would have ignored, but it was really important  to him, for me he was too proud and his religion is a NO! Something somebody else might have overlooked,  but I can't. So we made our choices based on our priorities.

Last word, it's okay to choose what you really care about, that has a positive for your purpose and will have a lasting effect even if its not popular or celebrated,  as long as you can see how well it helps your purpose.

Las las,  you can only make your own choice, don't let anyone make them for you, people can't live your life and theirs,  you get to live only yours by yourself, and be sure that choice suits you well in all ramifications.

Make good choices!
Peace.

Xia Ekenna is a nurse, poet and beautiful storyteller. You can connect with her through her Facebook page.

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